Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

The tonality of my life is hidden behind my ambition.

I don't think we can rule out a wave, I think a Democratic takeover is possible but not probable.

I have yet to see a piece of writing, political or non-political, that does not have a slant. All writing slants the way a writer leans, and no man is born perpendicular.

Music might be defined as a system of proportions in the service of a spiritual impulse

History does not belong to us; we belong to it.

I'm not really an autobiographical writer, though I use lots of stuff from my life to make my stories seem real. But when I actually write about myself, I get very confused.

Look at Donald Trump: He loves to call out individual reporters by name, which leads to major problems in those reporters' lives. I certainly don't want to add to that myself.

Terrorists cut people's heads off and that's what they do in the Planned Parenthood clinics.

Part of why the Tea Party so deeply threatened the elite media is the tea party looked around and suddenly realized, there are more of us than there are of them.

Acting has been described as farting about in disguise.