Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

In order to spend out our time (life) we sell some of this time. We work for someone, we labour. In freedom we do slavery.

The immature mind hops from one thing to another the mature mind seeks to follow through.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

There are no happy endings, there are only happy people.

Andy Ackerman directed the episodes that I was doing, and he directed a lot of Seinfeld [episodes]. And that was great.

I am savage about what has been done to the United States by its rulers.

Another person's illness is often harder to bear than one's own.

The Word of God has a supernatural edge with which a million-dollar budget can never compete.

You have to decide whether you want to make money or make sense, because the two are mutually exclusive.

Mental illness, of course, is not literally a "thing" - or physical object - and hence it can "exist" only in the same sort of way in which other theoretical concepts exist.