And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah, that's coming down."

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

The needles they poke you with leaves a hole that closes in. But unkind words can make a hole that will never mend.

Writing is a product of silence.

Sometimes I try to figure out why I always push things to talk about the really dark stuff in interviews, and I just think it's healing - for the listener, and for the guest.

I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.

Dying should come easy: like a freight train you don't hear when your back is turned.

I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'

It's time to restore honor and dignity to the White House.

Old persons are sometimes as unwilling to die as tired-out children are to say good night and go to bed.

The sky is an infinite movie to me. I never get tired of looking at what's happening up there.

When I play against someone that's new in the league, I make him respect me. They may have heard about me, but now you get to see me actually in front of you. That drives me.