And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

You are not alone...please know that hope can fly in on the most unexpected of wings.

Love with men is not a sentiment, but an idea.

I am not being obtuse. You are being paranoid.

We need a Savior. Christmas is an indictment before it becomes a delight.

I'm so excited to see 'Horns' because it's so many different genres in one film. It's a sci-fi, it's a love story, it's a horror movie, it's a fairy tale.

I like Mutemath a lot.

In the end, there's only one thing you can believe. Bodies are honest; they don't lie.

here and there in the barrios and the favelas, among those who have least, beat hearts of hope, fly sparks of Overcoming.

Your mind believes what you tell it.

The real future of America, the best future for ourselves and our children, is to go back in the direction of limited government restrained by the Constitution.