Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

How can I tell anyone that there has always lived within me a rusty sense of disgust-a dull, brackish water that I suspect is my soul?

Moving beyond past wounds and hurts and building a culture of respect, dignity, and flowering love

I was an English major in university and that got me into novels, but I read a lot of books as a kid.

I am an enemy of the State. But isn't everyone?

What if I’ve forgotten the most important thing?

My youngest son, who is now the drummer in my band, lives in Brooklyn. My oldest son is about to move out to California, and my daughters are both out of town.

I often times find with movies that the heavier the onscreen situation is, the more levity there is off screen. It's almost out of necessity.

When you make music you are acting as a philosopher. You can either do that consciously or you can do it unconsciously, but you're doing it.

As a kid, I think people would have described me more as a goofball, or being energetic. But I always loved parodies; I loved spoofing things.

Love your life and live your spirit!