America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.

The Sieves of time, filter out the fakes from the real.Don't look back for them, they were filtered out for your refinement.

Man's grandeur is that he knows himself to be miserable.

I never try and sound like Sabbath.

It may have lost its special-ness forever and the clubs might not being doing well but I think standup is in the best shape it has been in a long time.

I feel like a young man of 15.

Sabi nila, 'When you know what you deserve, you don't look back.'

Delay and indecision are first weapons in the armory of moviemakers.

My novels are certainly more exciting than my own life.

I'm not worried about what's in fashion, what's not in fashion, what are the colors of the season. I go with my gut instinct because every time I haven't it's been a mistake.