When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.

In every set of circumstances, we get to create our own experience.

Business is win-win, everything else shades into crime.

to make mistakes is human

Command by instinct is swifter subtler deeper more accurate more in touch with reality than command by conscious mind. The discovery takes one's breath away.

The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.

I like for people to figure things out for themselves. It's not like I have the right answer, but if I have a visceral reaction to something, I'm sure that other people will, too.

All the earth, though it were full of kind hearts, is but a desolation and desert place to a mother when her only child is absent.

I wondered about the half-life of regret.

The rich brother needs to let the gospel humble him while the poor brother needs to let the gospel affirm him.