All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Be sure of your heart before you speak.

The birth of Jesus Christ is a reminder of what Adam and Eve failed to do in the Garden of Eden.

When I think of death, I know I have nothing to lose. Living life is only a gain.

If being brave were easy, more people would be.

Until we can understand the assumptions in which we are drenched we cannot know ourselves.

I'm proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It's just another part of me.

Without satyagraha carried out in the proper spirit, there is no victory, no Swaraj.

The central premise behind Oslo was that if Arafat were given enough legitimacy, territory, weapons and money, he would use his power to fight terror and make peace with Israel.

Mother of otherness, Eat me.

What is history? The lie that everyone agrees on.