Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

It was hard to judge a man's full character by his bachelor party etiquette.

One of the things you learn very early in writing for television, especially, is that compressing the story is always a good idea.

Justice to my readers compels me to admit that I write because I have nothing to do; justice to myself induces me to add that I will cease to write the moment I have nothing to say.

Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.

I think what makes compelling fiction or cinema is when you're basically taking the most intense moments of experience and you're creating a song or a narrative out of it.

Peace has its price: your head and heart; less than that is war.

To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

I'm gonna have nightmares about kids eating free.

Neither the Destruction of the Ninth Ward Nor the South Bronx Was Inevitable

Words are daughters of earth but ideas are sons of heaven.