According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

The bump of ego on his skull had swollen large, so he saw the whole world in terms of what it could give him.

I have the heart of a man, not a woman, and I am not afraid of anything.

I get constantly mistaken for Elijah Wood.

We try to get our quick feet and our hands going for the games and we spend a couple of days in the gym.

He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms.

Seek passion, seek passion, seek passion!

About things on which the public thinks long it commonly attains to think right.

There comes a point in the game where you gotta make a play or you gotta do something to get your team over the hump, and when that time comes you gotta be able to do it.

Having a phobia has changed me.