A little bit added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

...at last I understood that writing was this: an impulse to share with other people a feeling or truth that I myself had.

Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them.

That cake tasted good. But the cake in the garbage tasted better. It was the best cake I ever ate.

A good marriage is where both people feel like they're getting the better end of the deal.

The doctor was not, he thought, really sure that anyone else existed, and wanted to prove they did by helping them.

Publication is almost certainly a punishment for having written a book.

There's something interesting about being really intimate and familiar with Israel, but still being American - that really thin piece of glass between me and my experiences.

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

I've learned a valuable opinion does not tell you what to think, it illuminates what you should consider.

Pain pays the income of each precious thing.