A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The quietness of spirit is an inner peace.

The medium obscured the message.

From the point of view of the Low, no historic change has ever meant much more than a change in the name of their masters.

Geological change usually takes thousands of years to happen but we are seeing the climate changing not just in our lifetimes but also year by year.

Never lie to your mother. That's like the biggest lesson that I learned, learned throughout my life, you know?

History can't tell us. Each generation must define itself.

Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet, With charm of earliest birds.

Most people don't have someone to believe in them.

I have read many books, but the Bible reads me.

Communism is what happens when atheism meets bureaucracy.