Witty Quotes

Advertising is what you do when you can't go see somebody. That's all it is.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

My inner child is not wounded.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.

What I need is a woman who is something, anything: either very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very wicked; very witty or very stupid, but something.

He would make a lovely corpse.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

A fool and his words are soon parted.

Plurality is not to be posited without necessity.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.

Conquered people tend to be witty.

I don't write cheques anymore because I end up signing them "with love, shan rukh"

Make the most of What you have, When you have it, Where you are.

If it's a good book, anyone will read it. I'm totally unashamed about still reading things I loved in my childhood.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.

You may be witty, but not satirical.

If I am not worth the wooing, I surely am not worth the winning!

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I like a girl who's smart, they have to be able to grasp witty sarcasm.

Remorse presupposes enough self-forgetfulness to feel the pain ofothers.

If two things don't fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that's credulity.

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Any place I hang my head is home.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

I'd like to start a religion. That's where the money is.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

There's many witty men whose brains can't fill their bellies.

True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes, and I won't say no - but I'm giving you a definite maybe.

Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh; lest in the jest Thy person share, and the conceit advance.

Logic is in the eye of the logician.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.

Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.

You fail to overlook the crucial point.

You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Melancholy men of all others are most witty, which causeth many times a divine ravishment, and a kinde of Enthusiasmus, which stirreth them up to bee excellent Philosophers, Poets, Prophets, etc.

When I think of Cool Britannia I think of old people dying of hypothermia.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving.

Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.