Humour Quotes

It is observed that Failed people can give a successful talk on hardwork.

Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes.

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way.

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.

Hey, religious nuts! Please do not grow up. Just go up!

Whenever I wish to pay my respect to you, my middle finger says, it must first.

I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

That you exist, is offense enough to arrest you.

Oh yes, it's very tragic. Why does everyone always like love stories? What about absence-of-love stories? Aren't they much more common?

My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther.

Duke to Michel: I’m fairly certain that even ifyou’d struggle in a quiz against a pigeon, you are capable enough of opening doors.

Would you like me to put you out of your misery, before I put you out of your misery?

I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.

My favourite songs from literally all my favourite albums are usually always track 10. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Illuminati? Time will tell.

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.

If I had free will, I would choose to be funnier.

This is 1987. A girl can be whatever she wants to be." "I know, " said Ray. "My mums a plumber.

It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.

...the more of a fool a man is, the less he cares to look like one

There are times, Kruppe murmurs, when celibacy born of sad deprivation becomes a boon, nay, a source of great relief.

The homeland might be lacking snakes, but it held its share of venom.

Only dead fishes go with the flow.. I guess that make me a dead fish!

People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision.

I tried to make sense of things. Now that I think about it, I have always tried. It could be my epitaph. LEO GURSKY: HE TRIED TO MAKE SENSE.

Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand.

Frame everything and some of it will become art.

They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.

Please don't arrest me.""Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop.""Are you sure?""Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure.""You could be undercover.

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.

State your point. If the opposite party doesn't agree, state it harder- with a punch.

Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.

Mr Moss's courtyard is railed in like a cage, lest the gentlemen who are boarding with him should take a fancy to escape from his hospitality.

They regarded our passage not at all, and by the afternoon I felt no more significant than an ant. I had never thought to be disdained by a tree.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work.

He finds himself bored by the shenanigans of highly spirited young men. Their concerns reside somewhere between balder and dash.

I have no problem with god - it's his fan club that scares me.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

Hmmm... that's interesting.""What?""There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.

Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we've become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?

Humour is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.

The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

He that jokes confesses.

There are things of deadly earnest that can only be safely mentioned under cover of a joke.

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.

A humorist is a man who feels bad but who feels good about it.

Humour plays close to the big hot fire which is the truth and the reader feels the heat.