Humour Quotes
They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is full of little people with big dreams!
A camera is just like a woman, as long as you have one of them hanging around your neck....life is just fine
Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.
Writing is lonely. Until that moment you write your first character and suddenly you have company.
Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George.""No time for rats? That's just sad.
Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.
One group of riders doped, the others alongside them racing clean. You can work out for yourselves which group was fastest.
The glamour's off. Almost any question you ask can be answered. It's only the questions that you didn't know to ask that remain, dancing the can-can behind your back. The unknown unknowns.
Percy looked at his friends. "I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt.""Combat time?" Piper grabbed her horn of plenty."I hate wonder bread, " Jason said.Together, they charged.
Some people just don’t find their Prince Charming straight away, they have to search for him.
A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ - Vera Richardson in Mr Alhourani's Dead Man's Spots
Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.
Being under pressure is great, if it's all in the right place.
Gods, man, don't you start now, ' I said softly. 'We're going to get a terrible reputation if we just keep travelling across the countryside crying all the time.
Light and dark ain't supposed to mix. They're like broccoli and chocolate - just nasty when you put them together - but that appears to be what's happening with you
I want a new liver to replace my heart.""Um, why?""Because then I could drink more and care less.
Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me.
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying off what you bought yesterday.
If I don't keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute, ' I say, w
Heartache makesfor good poetry, heartburnnot so much.
Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat?
Sorry, no. I refuse to join an army which practices human sacrifice and has no adequate pension plan.
How bad is it?”“The story is only just now being reported, but let's put it this way, ” HARV said. “The bag is now clearly catless, and there’s a very foul odor coming from the fan.
If natural selection can create creationists it can manage a caterpillar with a face on its arse.
Yeah, but will it hurt?”’ I asked.“This is science, Zach, ” Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. “Of course it will hurt.
‘Foo Kyu’ is just a very unfortunate cultural coincidence.""Just think about his poor son, ‘Foo Kyu Two.’
Great Gates almighty, ” HARV said inside my brain. “I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
Carol, I thought you didn't liked playing with the minds of normal people.”“Yes, but the press don't count as normal.”“She’s got you there, ” HARV added.
Forget it, ” I said. “Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he’d still be preferable to listening to the two of you.
It made Craze smile, despite wishing most of his body parts would find new homes and leave him in peace.
Humour is the best weapon to fight any battle. But there is a thin line between humour and humiliation and beware not to cross it.
I give you full credit for the discovery, I crawl, I grovel, my name is Watson, and you need not say what you were just going to say, because I admit it all.
Uncle Vernon’s face worked furiously. The idea of being taught consideration by a man who had just blasted away half his living-room wall seemed to be causing him intense suffering.
I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do.
You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear?
It just a fun game, until someone starts to win and then everyone else begins to cheat!
It was during Latin that the Austro-Hungarians arrived with their dogs and zombies to kill everyone at the Eden College for Young Ladies.
You can take that needle out of my leg now. I'd like to pull up my pants.
People say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. It's not. It's eye bloody spy.
