Don Herold Quotes

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

There is something distinctive about living in New York; over eight million other people are doing it.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

Be kind to dumb people.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

A lot of men think that if they smile for a second, somebody will take advantage of them, and they are right.

Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.

Very few people look the part and are it too.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get.

If I had my life to live over, I'd pick more daisies.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

I wish I were either rich enough or poor enough to do a lot of things that are impossible in my present comfortable circumstances.

Be kind and considerate to others, depending somewhat upon who they are.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace.

Babies are a great way to start people.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

Interruptions are the spice of life.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

Some people have nothing but experience.

This is the greatest paradox: the emotions cannot be trusted; yet it is the emotions that tell us the greatest truths.

The chief trouble with jazz is that there is not enough of it; some of it we have to listen to twice.

Conversation: The slowest form of human communication.

An honourable agreement among men as to their conduct toward women, and it was devised by women.

The mind of man has no defense To equal plain, old common sense. This homely virtue don't despise, If you would be happy as well as wise.

Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.

A woman's hair net tangled in a man's spectacles on top of the bedroom dresser.

[Reviewing a production of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The dogs were poorly supported by the cast.

Comic-strip artists do not make good husbands, and God knows they do not make good comic strips.

Methods of locomotion have improved greatly in recent years, but places to go remain about the same.

I do not believe in doing for pleasure things I do not like to do.

About the time we get old enough to be as wicked as we want to be, we don't want to be so very wicked after all.

There's one thing about baldness - it's neat.

A humorist is a man who feels bad but who feels good about it.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should save some of it for tomorrow.

Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.