Humor Quotes
He was an embittered atheist (the sort of atheist who does not so much disbelieve in God as personally dislike Him)...
If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.
But an inferior talent can only be graceful when it's carrying inferior ideas. And the more narrowly you can look at a thing the more entertaining you can be about it.
If I could get back my youth, I'd do anything in the world except get up early, take exercise or be respectable.
Pride has often been his best friend. It has connected him nearer with virtue than any other feeling.
As soon as Mr. Prosser realized that he was substantially the loser after all, it was as if a weight lifted itself off his shoulders: this was more like the world as he knew it.
And I write novels!" chimed in the other cop. "Though I haven't had any of them published yet, so I better warn you, I'm in a meeeean mood!
Slartibartfast's study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library.
One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
I assure you, my good Lestrade, that I have an excellent reason for everything that I do.
Abraham, " he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend.""And I to see you dead.
I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities- a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.
My sister having so much to do, was going to church vicariously, that is to say, Joe and I were going.
He wondered if it was safe to grin. Very slowly and carefully, he grinned. It was safe.
His eyes passed over the solid shapes of the instruments and computers that lined the bridge. They winked away innocently at him. He stared out at the stars, but none of them said a word.
I want to make sure I remember what real ugly is. I might want to tell my grandchildren someday.
A totally befuddled voter may look at a Vote for McGovern sign and do just that.
..., dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. Chapter I.
Ugh!' snarled the Wolf, as he limped through the brushwood with his tail between his legs, 'this is perfectly monstrous weather. Why doesn't the Government look to it?
He has got no good red blood in his body, " said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses, " said Mrs. Cadwallader.
Were you born stupid, Heinrich, or did you have to study?
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God grante
Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children.
He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'.
Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.
I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.
I believe you to be strictly honorable.'He thoughtfully emptied his cup. 'I wish I could add you were intelligent, ' he went on, knocking on his head with his knuckles.
You know because you’ve been it, and I know because I’m dead and it gives one such a wonderfully uncluttered perspective.
JACKYour duty as a gentleman calls you back. ALGERNONMy duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.
In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way.I don't think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant.
LADY BRACKNELLI had some crumpets with Lady Harbury, who seems to me to be living entirely for pleasure now.ALGERNONI hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief.
The best conversation I had was over forty million years ago, ' continued Marvin.Again the pause. 'Oh d—''And that was with a coffee machine.' He waited.
It does no good to bark at the television, I said. I’ve tried it too. So he stopped.
We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
You know what the worst thing about adults is? ...They're not always adults. But that's what I like about them.
Feel free to look around, but being as though there aren't any people eighteen or older here, stay off the bed. I'm not allowed to get pregnant this weekend.