Funny Quotes

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

The whole exploitation thing is funny, too. Exploitation is the nature of the world, isn't it?

I take Charb's point, but at some point has Charlie Hebdo been trying to have it both ways because some of what they do is not funny.

It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not.

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.

When I'm 32? Hopefully I'll have made my mark with a few different movies, some scary ones and some comedies. I'm really funny, I have a great personality on the camera.

Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny.

We never really tried to shock for shock's sake on 'Family Guy.' If something was horribly offensive and shocking we would put it in if it was also hysterically funny.

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

If a song is funny and absurd, and it sounds great, it's just going to be that much funnier. And there's no better example of that than 'Monty Python.'

The Simpsons are ugly-looking, and they should be. That's what works. That's one of the things that's funny.

For me to act natural and real but also try to be funny while doing that is hard.

To me, what separates a funny movie from a good movie is something personal.

It's always funny to find what people's button is.

I remember when I got my first Adam Sandler CD and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life, and continues to be.

I was in high school when Will Ferrell was first on 'Saturday Night Live', and I remember thinking, 'Man, that guy is the funniest guy ever.'

I always thought realistic was a better way to explain things that were "dramedies" because life is like that. It's funny, it's dramatic and to me that's how I see it.

I'm actually way more funny now, because I'm hungry... If comedy comes from pain, I should be funnier now than I ever was.

#3 pencils and quadrille pads.

So often, I read scripts and am like, 'This would never happen in real life. It's not trying to be funny. It's trying to be serious.

I'll save that for Mrs. Battier.

They laughed much harder than the memory was funny because it felt good to laugh.

Nom, do say something funny so she can admire!

I feel like Bill Walton - old and shitty.

It's funny, but I never knew I was hot or could be beautiful until I saw 'Basic Instinct,' and I was so shocked when I saw how pretty they made me.

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

It's very funny to see a Justin Bieber song done by a bunch of grown men.

You have to know where the funny is, and if you know where the funny is, you know everything.

G'bye, I'm going out to play!

Funny how a little politeness can change people's minds.

Funny how internal scars never healed. They were the souvenirs of the past.

We have a Daimon walk into the bar in broad daylight, and now a demon sliming Dev. I don´t know about you, but that doesn´t seem coincidental to me.” “I agree. Snot funny.

Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.

I like books that are funny, but that aren't trying to be funny. I like situational humor.

The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism.

There was an advert I rather liked. Devastated woman: "I've just seen the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!" Husband: "Never mind, love, it's not the end of the world."

I've been very luckily - I bought a house, I work, my life's been very blessed. I thought it would be funny to exaggerate the non-working side.

Most men make little use of their speech than to give evidence against their own understanding.

It's funny how heterosexuals have lives and the rest of us have "lifestyles."

[William] Klein has eyes like a knife. He is ruthless and outrageous but never mean - he is tender and funny and violent - and, I'm sure, really in love with our crazy Rome.

It's funny how intimate it feels to get a text.