Funny Quotes

I have to say, the other day I was reading some negative comments, and I was thinking they were really funny. So I guess they don't anymore.

Pickup lines never work...I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive.

It's funny when someone says to you 'you're hot' and all that, because I don't think of it in that way.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person.

A director recommended me for the role on 'Soap.' They said, 'She plays heavy roles, murderesses and the like.' He said, 'On stage, she could be very very funny.

Carol Burnett, who played Miss Hannigan in 'Annie,' is as funny as it gets.

It's really funny - when I'm depressed or I'm having a hard time, I'll write really fun stuff. And then when I'm really happy, I write really depressing stuff.

But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!

Greg Berlanti, David Nutter, Andrew Kreisberg and Marc Guggenheim are the people I wanted to work with. They're smart, they're funny, they're cool, they're edgy.

Amy [ Schumer] is a really, really hilarious writer.She's super funny, and I feel like the core of our senses of humor is really similar.

You should just dump the whole saving the world plan and go with global domination. It's probably be more fun.

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

You think I'm pretty Without any make-up on You think I'm funny When I tell the punch line wrong I know you get me So I'll let my walls come down, down.

I'm tall and thin but not strong, so you're either an athlete or you're funny.

With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing.

You have to realize that Mel [Gibson], he's a funny guy. He's got a wicked sense of humor.

It's funny, because I'm so associated with digital art and computer art, and yet I spend so little time in front of the computer.

By no means do I want to be a piece of meat for the rest of my career. It's funny when you get asked to do a talk show, and then they follow it up with requesting you take your shirt off.

Becka was almost good looking enough to be on a reality dating show, but not funny looking or sad enough to be on one of the makeover shows.

I find it funny because people complain about Brooklyn becoming too hip, but would they prefer stock brokers or gunfights or something?

I think a lot of comedic actors, on their close-up they can deliver. But when it comes to reacting to other people being funny, that's work in itself.

I was always pretty funny with my friends.

My graduate studies were carried out at the California Institute of Technology.

I want to show you that you can be funny and hot. You can drink and read. People are still getting used to what I am.

It's nice to represent a woman who can be bigger than what you see as a typical skinny actress - being funny and desirable at the same time.

Doing funny scary is something that is rarely good and rarely works, and it's also something that's incredibly hard to market.

I'm a big fan of comedians not having to apologize for anything. Nowadays it seems comedians are always apologizing for being funny.

I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.

What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you 'turn up missing'?

How the hell do you wake up dead?

I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.

I work in a "you scratch my back, and I'll stab yours" kind of a place.

I'm that tech writer who gets on stage and plays funny tech songs. I wouldn't want that to be all I'm known for, but it's a bit of a differentiator.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

And Barry Levinson is insanely funny. I don't know if you know this, not everyone does, but he and Craig T. Nelson were a comedy team back in the coffeehouse days of the late '60s.

Its the details and the human element that makes Recount entertaining. Even though we know how the election ends, it plays like a thriller. Its also funny.

I have deep comedic roots, and I want to be funny.

You know, it's funny, no matter what I do - I mean, you're always going to have negatives and positives.

It's funny how making odd noises can get you into strange situations sometimes.

You!” she said, stepping forward with a vehement expression and her finger pointed. Heart pounding, I pressed into Al. Funny how he seemed so much safer now. (Newt, Rachel and Al)

If at first you don't succeed, take the tax loss.

Yes, it's funny, isn't it? You try to do what's best for the people you love, and you just end up in trouble for your efforts.

Sailing is a completely new sport for me and I wasn't sure what to expect but I've definitely got the bug.

The idyllic mayhem of two cultures colliding just doesn't seem as funny anymore.

I think Janeane Garofalo is incredibly funny, and I love Dennis Miller.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.