Funny Quotes
There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?
Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others
The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.
Love it when a compelling new character kicks open your mental door, tracks mud across your brain, and props their feet up on your cerebrum.
Two days after my dad's funeral, my mom went on a mission. I never understood it until then--that sometimes a spy doesn't need a cover so much as she needs a shield.
I'm not the one going for a biology degree. I'm just a philosophy major who eats people.
Finally, this being America, there is the constant possibility of murder.
The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.
When you're in a train and it breaks down, well, there you is. But when you're in a plane and it breaks down, there you AIN'T.
She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds.
Bricks are independent but can work well with other, tough to crack, fiercely loyal and put in the right spot will hold anything and everything that you’ve ever held dear with the greatest of ease.
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!
There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut.
Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.
Just another part of that Spartan killer instinct. I can slay the ladies just as well as I can reapers.
Instead of putting flowers in books to flatten them you can use a brick.
I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.
She shuddered. “What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.
I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.
Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?
I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first!
My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is.
Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.
My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
The thing about For Better or Worse is the only thing that made me an okay director for that is that I have a sense of humor, and it was supposed to be funny.
I don't happen to have a sense of humor personally, so I don't know what's funny about a character... This happens to be a feature of my life generally.
I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me.
I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.
I think what is important for things to be funny is if you the listener, or the reader, get a chance to supply the humor of it yourself.
But if you read Jane Austen, you know that she had a wicked sense of humor. Not only was she funny, but her early writing was very dark and had a gothic tone to it.
I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.
When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'
The funny thing is, the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She's awesome.