I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

He wanted to die. He prayed for it. Through the roar in his ears, he begged for it.

They were stuck in a moment that wouldn’t quit.

Fan Luv is a powerful positive movement. All over the world they come. It's a force of luv.

Love is not 'blind' but visionary: It sees into the very heart of its object And sees the 'real self' behind and in the midst Of the frailties and shortcomings of the person.

If a superior give any order to one who is under him which is against that man's conscience, although he do not obey it yet he shall not be dismissed.

To me party platforms are contracts with the people.

Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.

I have a real low tolerance for parasites, and you're so close to the limit that I'm already reaching for the flea powder.

Seven Deadly Sins Wealth without work Pleasure without conscience Science without humanity Knowledge without character Politics without principle Commerce without morality Worship without sacrifice.

Make friends with angels.