I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

God expects fruits from every calling, every talent and every gift

The high-minded man is fond of conferring benefits, but it shames him to receive them.

For all of higher civilization's recorded history, becoming a man was defined overwhelmingly as taking responsibility for a family.

Now and then I'll get a student who asks a question that puts me up against the wall and maybe by the end of the semester I can begin to deal with the question.

I don't wanna join the Hair Club For Men or anything.

When a man says he likes a woman in a skirt, I tell him to try one.

It's not easy making money as an actor. It's just not an easy thing to do. There's so many that want to do it and so few opportunities to do it that it's not as easy as it would seem.

I wanted to be Laurence Olivier, basically, to be a great classical actor, and also be able to do modern things.

The only interesting answers are those that destroy the questions.

When the Internet arrived in Ireland... it was like having Amsterdam's Red Light District in your own living room.