Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Creativity is the DNA of innovation, the virus of evolution, the antidote to automation

I have a book of poetry I believe many should read but in each verse you'll discover it wasn't written for greed.

I have the absolute confidence not to be number two, but then I have enough sense to realize that there can be no number one.

You are either on the side of the oppressed or on the side of the oppressor. You can't be neutral.

God judges what we give by what we keep.

One who brandishes a pistol must be prepared to shoot.

We must have football. What would this country be without football in October?

For the word is dialectical in itself and at the same time is integrated into the whole of existence. By this I mean that the word is intended to be lived.

That old funny-shaped bit of wood is still staring me in the face every day saying 'come on, you haven't started yet!' It's infinite.

I've always practiced this: Love yourself. Move your body. Watch your portions.