You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know.

[On being a judge for the 1986 Booker Prize:] I got to the point where I couldn't read a laundry list without considering it for the Booker Prize.

The only people I have ever seen paint successfully, consistently, with great authority, unselfconsciously and without fear of failing were about four years old.

I really like natural, warm finishes. I like any of the natural stones, the oiled wood that is kind of a pre-finished flooring. I'm very tactile.

The studios are very much business. Maybe it was always that way. It is really commercial now. Judgments are made and directions are given to make the cash register ring.

T-E-A-M stands for together everyone achieves more.

Rituals are the end of fidelity and honesty, and the beginning of confusion.

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

Work, ah! that talisman to guard one against one's self.

It's always better to be kind. I'm glad I know why." -Wanda