Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

Sacrifice of the self is sheer stupidity if sacrifice is not for the self.

There are some things in life that we try to ignore, thinking that maybe if we don't see the problem, it won't see us when in reality, it's only getting bigger.

When placing an emergency call, it is important to remember that a corrupt or incompetent cop may be on their way to you.

There are a dozen St. George soldiers hiding in that maze, ” my trainer said. “All hunting you. All looking to kill you. Welcome to Phase Two of your training, hatchling.

A good butcher is important to have. It's like a shrink.

I gave people the benefit of the doubt, thinking, so many people that appear very calm and even boring must have all these wild emotions and crazy ideas.

I think it's really important for real artists to make sure they're honest.

Simply look at whatever happens and know that you are beyond it.

Movie music is noise. It's even more painful than my sciatica.

Stare, pry, listen, eavesdrop. Die knowing something. You are not here long.