Christian Finnegan Quotes
Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.
The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.
I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.
I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter.
I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.
People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?
Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.
Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.
Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you want to do the best you can while remaining who you are.
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.
If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.
It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral.
If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.
