Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

The Selection was no longer something that was simply happening to me, but something I was actively a part of. I was an Elite.

An editor asked me what led me to write erotica. I replied, "A dirty mind, excess words, and an overactive sacral chakra.

I think I was born strong-willed. That's not the kind of thing you can learn. The advantage is, you stick to what you believe in and rarely get pushed out of what you want to do.

I'd rather people interpret the songs and get whatever they can out of them instead of thinking about me crying in a room with a guitar.

Selfishness, if but reasonably tempered with wisdom, is not such an evil trait.

No reform ever came from the bottom, and it was always people who understood how the ruling class worked who turned out to be the reformers.

A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.

It was told in the Bible. A man fell. He bit into knowledge and fell... How do you fall without falling completely? What do you bring as knowledge to a blank canvas? How do you begin?

The most subversive thing a woman can do is talk about her life as if it really matters.

In marriage a little licence, a little independence there must be between people living together day in and day out in the same house.