If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

I'll let the racket do the talking.

Her hearing was keener than his, and she heard silences he was unaware of.

I do not like the reappearance of the Jesuits... Nevertheless, we are compelled by our system of religious toleration to offer them an asylum.

If someone hits me I consider it a challenge.

I love playing guitar. It's the only thing I've ever really been great at.

Men of action, above all those whose actions are guided by love, live forever.

Our confession will either imprison us or set us free. Our confession is the result of our believing, and our believing is the result of our right or wrong thinking.

Every girl should have a little black dress, a great boyfriend blazer and a pair of skinny jeans in their wardrobe.

In the past, men created witches: now they create mental patients.

When our memories outweigh our dreams, it is then that we become old.