Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal.... The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

I don't turn to greeting cards for wisdom and advice, but they are a fine reflection of the general drift of the culture.

On the whole, the evidence indicates that model trends in the troposphere are very likely inconsistent with observations.

People that have died 10 years ago are still voting, illegal immigrants are voting.

I have no small talk and Peel has no manners.

Self-love exaggerates our faults as well as our virtues.

What other creature, besides the lion, the tiger, and the whale, can answer Creation in its own language?

To me, crying is not a sign of weakness. She wants it that bad and she puts her whole heart into it. She had really high expectations, and that's why she's so good. She just had a bad game.

The only true conquests-those that awaken no regrets- are those obtained over our ignorance.

I know a lady that loves to talk so incessantly, she won't give an echo fair play; she has that everlasting rotation of tongue that an echo must wait till she dies before it can catch her last words!

In dealing with good people one should be magnanimous; in dealing with bad people one should be strict. In dealing with average people one should combine magnanimity and strictness.