You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

I resolved from the beginning of my quest that I would not be misled by sentiment and desire into beliefs for which there was no good evidence.

The cold war was an aberration. Note how quickly the Europeans turned on America once 400 hostile divisions were no longer on their borders.

I was denied a record contract for 15 years, so I'm not going to be too picky about what I do. I don't have the juice to say no too many times.

Query: How does the never to be differ from what never was?

Europe, in legend, has always been the home of subtle philosophical discussion; America was the land of grubby pragmatism.

I walk around at 150-152 pounds to weigh 147 pounds. Other boxers weigh around 160-170 before coming down.

This is Buford,” Leo announced. “You name your furniture?” Frank asked.

Maybe that's good to not feel like you have to keep up when there's so much to keep up with right now. It's bottomless.

You don't think about it that often, but you don't realize how many of your friends have come and gone. It makes you feel very fortunate.