You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

To Be Successful You Don't Need Beautiful Face And Heroic Body, What You Need is Skillful Mind And Ability To Perform

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

The older you get, the more you realise how happenstance... has helped to determine your path through life.

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Art is something that nobody laughs at and nobody makes any money out of is the attitude, which I would dispute.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

When I was doing Bean more than I’ve done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean.

The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.

Richard Burton had a tremendous passion for the English language, especially the spoken and written word

Everyone has influence, for good or bad, upon others.

I love the way you can fall in love with a piece of literature; how words alone can get your heart doing that.

Ballplayers are a superstitious breed, nobody more than I, and while you are winning you'd murder anybody who tried to change your sweatshirt, let alone your uniform.

I want to be a jerk like the rest of my friends, and have fun, and not care about the consequences, but I just can't now.

The good part of working in TV is it's like being a studio director in old Hollywood and approaching different genres. It's a chance to try out different styles.

You can't be a serious writer of fiction unless you believe the story you are telling.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

To make laws is a human instinct that arises as soon as food and shelter have been ensured, among all peoples, everywhere.