You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Don't try to think outside the box- get outside the box, then think!

We owe it to each other to tell stories, as people simply...

New ideas in technology are literally a dime-a-dozen, or cheaper than that

I love traveling all over the world; but it's true: there's nothing like home.

If we wait till we run no risk, the gospel will never be introduced into the interior.

When you make music you are acting as a philosopher. You can either do that consciously or you can do it unconsciously, but you're doing it.

I would love to re-visit Darla. I miss her. I really do.

The first duty of the gospel preacher is to declare God's law and to show the nature of sin.

A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love.

We are here not only to transform the world but also to be transformed.