You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

The thing about hearts is that they always want to keep beating

It is a bird’s imagination, not its wings, that determines how high it can fly.

Never underestimate the value of good friends.

What parent can give to their children is the gift of daily prayer.

The use of money is all the advantage there is in having money.

The point about melody and beat and lyric is that they exist to engage you in a very particular way. They want to occupy your attention.

If you remove the English army to-morrow and hoist the green flag over Dublin Castle, unless you set about the organisation of the Socialist Republic your efforts would be in vain.

When I look at history, I am a pessimist...but when I look at prehistory, I am an optimist.

I like girls who are cute and naturally funny. As long as they are not too high-maintenance, then we're good.

There can be no friendship where there is no freedom. Friendship loves a free air, and will not be fenced up in straight and narrow enclosures.