Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

One doesn't fall in love... one digs a hole for himself to trip in... claiming he didn't see it coming

Just by asking for your one next step you can give yourself permission to be divinely led to the people, places and resources that will allow you to move forward.

I was enjoying myself now. I had taken two finger bowls of champagne and the scene had changed before my eyes into something significant, elemental and profound.

God has a most wicked sense of humor.

But nobody can run from their own demons.

The strengthening of faith, I think, is the ultimate goal of organized religion altogether.

[Students for a Democratic Society] it's a social democratic program.

Luck is not chance, it's toil; fortune's expensive smile is earned.

Because my movies are not successful, they are not shown. So I make a living from the budget.

The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose his money, the next worst his health, the next worst his reputation.