Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down, and write as it occurs to you. The writing is easy-it's the occurring that's hard.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

When someone makes you a priority it is Great! When you make yourself a priority it is Brilliant!~

A wrong was just righted. Take care of my best friend.

I looked at the Branson Mo. deal but it's all old people and their parents

Pet ownership is slavery. Animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or be entertained by.

You totally value and respect your body as you get older.

You know, people'd always ask "Why is Jesse Jackson running for the White House?" They never seen the house I'm running from.

They say if one understands himself, he understands all people. But I say to you, when one loves people, he learns something about himself.

I think there are enough professional actors to fill in for me in my absence. I enjoyed it, but I can't imagine a role that would be interesting beyond playing myself.

Washington's insatiable desire to spend our children's inheritance on failed stimulus plans and other misguided economic theories have given record debt and left us with far too many unemployed.

...the little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away.