Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Delight is indeed born in the heart. It sometimes also depends on its surroundings.

Seasons happened and things got colder and harder and suddenly I found myself smoking circles in the airby myself in the snowand I was not okay.

Dexter Morgan is more like disguise and influence... and everything = fake.

To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one's responsibility as a free man.

Real beauty lies in the spiritual accord that is called love which can exist between a man and a woman.

You can’t just hope for happy endings. You have to believe in them. Then do the work, take the risks.

You must never feel badly about making mistakes.

The lies we live will always be confessed in the stories that we tell.

The significance which is in unity is an eternal wonder.

Human beings aren't supposed to be controlled and told what to do.