When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Ignorance is sacred and im an atheist.

Dreams do come true if you work hard and you get your head down.

Prejudice, which sees what it pleases, cannot see what is plain.

With our lives and food chain set up to make us fat - I mean, you can't drive down any highway in America and find a grapefruit - a guy needs to be smarter and more determined to get lean.

I don't have a belief problem, I have a focusing weakness. I focus on what's loudest instead of what feels best.

Life draws us in different directions, sometimes simultaneously. When you follow the direction that life draws you in, if you stay in a very powerful state of mind, then you'll see eternity.

Music helps not the toothache.

The history of mankind is his character.

You can answer your own question. You already know the answer, if you can just gain access to it.

As worldly thoughts diminish, thoughts of God increase. Normally, the mind is all the time desiring these worldly things. As the desires are cut out one by one, the peace becomes stronger.