When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!

I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.

I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.

Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.

Before you ever clasped your hands to pray God was already within your heart to stay.

Acting gets into your blood, after so many years, and I just always like revisiting it. It's fun to meet new people and watch them coming along, at different stages of their careers.

Young girls envy the life yall leading, never satisfied with a nice calm evening

At such close range, even she could hit a vampire full force in the shoulder, surprising him considerably. He paused in his attack. “Well, my word! You can’t threaten me, you’re pregnant!

I think reading is important in any form. I think a person who's trying to learn to like reading should start off reading about a topic they are interested in, or a person they are interested in.

After all, conflict arises, does it not, through the desire to be something, to be other than what is.

It's a lot of power to give the director to edit his own stuff. It's also a time thing: you don't want to have to wait for the guy to finish shooting before he starts editing.

Family is everything.

Within a few hours I had them off, was about ready to play the shows. That night I opened, and during the week Harris was over to the house to talk my mother into letting me leave home.

Dishonesty makes me feel vulnerable.