What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

It's one thing to admire a man's work. It's another to get your picture in the paper doing it." General Clayton

I wanna get on TV and just let loose. But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose.

Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.

We overlook just how large a role we all play--and by 'we' I mean society--in determining who makes it and who doesn't.

In physics, opinions don't matter, only demonstrated experiments. The day the fellow succeeds, if ever, he won't need anybody else's opinion.

[On The Hunger Games success]: "It hit on the zeitgeist of the disparity b/w the haves and have nots.

I am the seed of the free, and I know it. I intend to bear great fruit.

You owe reality nothing and the truth about your feelings everything.

I prefer to work alone – except in the bedroom. (Steele)

Please know that being 80 is not a scary thing. When you're 80, your life is much freer.