I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

She looked at him and felt a dagger pierce her heart, then she felt a warm chocolate feeling swallow her senses.

To be beautiful, be the person who helps others to reveal their own beauty.

We begin to learn wisely when we're willing to see world from other people's perspective.

And takin' a bath in the creek. That's the stuff that really made it worthwhile. Anybody can stay in a motel.

War on terror' is a misnomer. It would be like calling America's involvement in World War II a 'war on kamikazism.' Terrorism, like kamikazism, is a tactic.

The man whose eye is single for the glory of Another can be trusted.

If you kept the small rules, you could break the big ones.

It is by disease that health is pleasant; by evil that good is pleasant; by hunger, satiety; by weariness, rest.

The real leaders of tomorrow are already working on the next big idea, the one that will drive growth into future. They're already far beyond the ideas that created today's results.

Never underestimate the power of wide-grip pull-ups to develop width and size.