We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry.

Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

Most modern comedy is crap.

If you cannot change the reality of other people, their reality will become yours.

She'd been taking care of others for so long that she scarcely recognized herself when she looked in the mirror.

All of my books now come from readers' ideas.

You have to be odd to be number one.

If somebody is smoking a joint in a movie, I say it's a cigarette - a big cigarette if it's a Cheech and Chong movie.

I love music, particularly Radiohead, TV on the Radio, The XX and Tribes - they're a great new band from Camden and well worth a look at.

I am independent! I can live alone and I love to work.

If your neighbor looks at you like they don't enjoy the key you're singing in, look right back, bless them, and keep on singing.

There are always the simple events of your life that you might try to convert into legend.

It is dangerous to let the public behind the scenes. They are easily disillusioned and then they are angry with you, for it was the illusion they loved.