Toupée or not toupée for professional government: that is the hair-raising question created by Donald Trump's candidacy.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

The mistakes of the world are warning message for you.

It’s only the ego that wants to surrender the ego

The essence of life isn't just to survive, but to also introduce your life to a very meaningful positive purpose.

Add persistence to patience, you get perseverance. Multiply perseverance, you get success.

I take positives out of negatives all the time.

If you're working out and taking care of your body, you don't really want the greasy food that makes you feel tired or blah. You actually crave the good stuff!

I would introduce myself if it were not useless. The name I had last night will not be the same as the name I have tonight. For the moment, then, let me say that I am thinking of Sam Slovoda.

Steve Jobs was not only the heart and soul of Apple, he was the wind underneath the technology market. Both are significantly diminished by his passing.

If the reason for doing something is that everyone else is doing it, it's not a good enough reason.

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.