Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Foreign powers do not seem to appreciate the true character of our government.

The weight of an argument may often be multiplied by making it specific

Only once in a generation does anything as fresh as a vomiting detective come along.

If God is your world, what have you to fear?

But let the wise be warned against too great readiness to explanation: it multiplies the sources of mistake, lengthening the sum for reckoners sure to go wrong.

In joy or sorrow, feebleness or might, Peace or commotion, be thou, Father, my delight.

Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits.

Let's go invent tomorrow...

I think direct political action, civil disobedience, in particular, is something to be taken very seriously.