There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

I have employed someone who earns money for me and does not charge anything .. i call it my corpus or nest egg.It is a beautiful feeling when your corpus earns money and beats your salary

Treat every moment as your last. It is not preparation for something else.

Do not get obsolete like an old technology, keep innovating yourself.

These are bad days for all of us who remember always that when real world forces come into conflict, the final result is never as dark as we mortals guess it in very difficult days.

I think people don't place a high enough value on how much they are nurtured by doing whatever it is that totally absorbs them.

Your voice is worthwhile. Have faith in it.

It is a just retribution for improper sexual misconduct

Pity is not natural to man. Children always are cruel. Savages are always cruel.

My images are not images of reality, but show a kind of second reality, the image of the image.

I hate nothing more than having my nails painted. I feel like I'm in time out.