There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

The reason stories have dramatic tension is because LIFE has dramatic tension.

A trembling in the bones may carry a more convincing testimony than the dry documented deductions of the brain.

Maturity is the slowness in which a man believes.

Acting makes you look at life and try to understand it in a beautiful way.

A good man is kinder to his enemy than bad men are to their friends.

Job happiness is directly proportional to the distance you are from the home office.

I have had many more close women friends than men, and I've always assumed that comes from the fact that in my family there was such a disproportionate female element.

Do you want to feel good, or do you want to do good?

In living, as in art, rules are drawn from practice; not the other way around.

I don't think I have been loved by my troops, but I think I have been respected.