I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Every soul is a soul. It is the motives, deeds and actions that define the personality of each soul.

The trick was not to stifle the emotions, but to control them. Love, anger, grief – all were weapons in their way, but they needed to be kept in check.

Worry is momentary atheism crying out for correction by trust in a good, sovereign God. Suffering breaks self-reliance.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm as famous for my wheelchair and disabilities as I am for my discoveries.

There are a lot of people in this world that listen to wide ranges of music and there should never be a CERTAIN type of music that any artist should be confined to, in my opinion.

Political correctness is just tyranny with manners. I wish for you the courage to be unpopular. Popularity is history's pocket change. Courage is history's true currency.

I never watched 'Harper's Island.'

Loving somebody is the beginning of everything.

First you buy me a mocha. Then you let me help you hide a body. Now you take me to a biker clubhouse. Best. Day. Ever.

So where are they moving today? They're going to move to be meaner to immigrants in order to bring their conference together.