The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

No matter how you define success, you will need to be resilient, empowered, authentic, and limber to get there.

Boredom is the Devil's delight.

...you never possess a cat; you are allowed to be in a cat's life, which, of course, is a privilege.

It was like finding some weird tribe in the middle of the jungle and, you know, they all come out and go: "Fear of the Dark. Favorite Album." What?!?

I think if you would have cut Houdini with a knife, blood wouldn't come out, PR would.

One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.

I'm still working out. It keeps me feeling good about things.

Ah, but being in love made you mean and crazy. Love made you act like a fool even when you knew you were acting like a fool and couldn't help yourself from acting like a fool.

Put First Things First! These four words cover an entire philosophy which can be applied with profit by every business leader, by every executive and by every employee.

If that makes your lawyers or managers happy, well, good for them. You still have a lot to worry about.