The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

There is no friend as loyal as a book.

What is defeat? Nothing but education nothing but the first step toward something better.

Through certain humors or passions, and from temper merely, a man may be completely miserable, let his outward circumstances be ever so fortunate.

I believe I'm a born winner. I always think about winning.

Mountain gorses, do ye teach us . . . . That the wisest word man reaches Is the humblest he can speak?

In law a man is guilty when he violates the rights of others. In ethics he is guilty if he only thinks of doing so.

Anyone becomes mannered if you think too much about what other people think

Television is coitus interruptus brought into aesthetics.

To err is human; but contrition felt for the crime distinguishes the virtuous from the wicked.

You can not define being exactly on time.