The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Procrastinate strategically... Procrastination may be the enemy of productivity but it can be a valuable resource for creativity.

I think writers can respond by writing about the refugee crisis, by looking at problems faced by migrants, by trying hard to portray them as the human beings that they are.

It was always my intention that The Frieze should be housed in a room which would provide a suitable architectural frame for it.

Yuki: "Honda-san... you'd better stop, or he'll get a swelled head." Kyo: "Doesn't Shigure already HAVE a swelled head?

I actually got to stay and watch the filming of different parts of the movie [Romeo+Juliet]. I got to meet some of the co-stars, like John Leguizamo.

Let the reader find that he cannot afford to omit any line of your writing because you you have omitted every word that he can spare.

I pray Thee, O God, that I may be beautiful within.

When I was your age, if a boy behaved badly, one simply scored his name out from one's dance card. (Sadie Lancaster - to Lara Lington)

Desire of praise disposeth to laudable actions.