The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I hate the sound of the world outside. Because everybody here can't wait to come and say goodbye...

Never be timid about your own pleasure. Don't be ashamed to come.

Steady as a clock busy as a bee and cheerful as a cricket.

The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness.

My sisters and I were encouraged to choose the direction of our lives.

A choice with no consequences has no value. Making a choice knowing there will be consequences, and being willing to bear them, is what distinguishes the right choices from the wrong ones.

Most everything government does is worse than useless.

I also write plays, so I understand the writers mind, and how obsessed you can get writing.

By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character. Grenville Kleiser Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

There are few people so stubborn in their atheism who, when danger is pressing in, will not acknowledge the divine power.